Every little girl’s dream is to grow up, fall in love and marry the one man whom she will have and hold, through good times and bad, till death do them part. Fairy tale weddings do come true, however, it is keeping the marriages that seem to pose a problem once the magical dust settles.

Marriage isn’t just a natural progression from fluffy cloud nines, or an escape route to ‘living on your own’. When you say “I do”, bliss and happiness do not simply fall into your life with a wave of a wand. Conversely, marriage is about the readiness to embrace the worst in couplehood and live out your wedding vows of ‘through bad times, bad health and poverty, till death do us part’.

It’s easy to share the good times, the laughter and joy, that’s what even puppy lovers do. But keeping a marriage together is about the conscious effort and will from both parties, to commit to the relationship, even through the darkest days.

This conscious effort will steer your decisions in life. Simply put, it’s the effort to kiss and make up after a huge fight, the effort to ride through thunderstorms hand in hand, the effort to not walk away when differences cant be ironed out, the effort to re-spark the relationship when love fades, the effort to pick up the pieces of a heartbreak and try anew, the effort to overcome emotional upsets including betrayal, and the extra effort to walk away from temptations.

This conscious effort will make you keep your vows intact, which is possibly the foundation to any blissful marriage. And this is of utmost importance because when the flurry of love fades, chances are the bond you have built with your spouse will be strong enough to survive the trials and tribulations of a typical marriage.

Wedding photographs are considered one of the most precious possessions a woman can have. Think about the lovely stories the grandmother can tell their grandchildren when they pore over the photographs many years later. These magical moments are over in a blink of an eye and can never be recaptured again in its essence. Hence, it is not unusual for celebrity or famous wedding photographers to charge exorbitant prices for their skills. There’s nothing wrong in paying a little extra to get THAT photographer who suits your taste in photography.

The current trend of wedding photography demands the photographer to be able to capture “The Moment” . It could be the little peck on the bride’s cheek from her father (Let’s say Awww..), the flower girl kissing the page boy (Flower girl mother beware!) or the funny moment where the granduncle does an impromptu Macarena dance(That little blue pill sure is working!)

Nevertheless, there are a few items on the photographer’s checklist you definitely want to go over before your big day. Read on and do consider them when discussing with your photographer.

Family History

It is the utmost importance to let your photographer know your family background before he goes around taking photographs at will. Sensitive issues like family feuds (This aunty hates that aunty), divorces (Stepmother and Mother is a no-no) and recent deaths must be made known to the photographer so that he knows how to act accordingly. This is to eliminate awkward photographs and potential escalating tension between the family members.

Family Photographs

There are many photograph checklists available on the internet with regards to the flow of photographs to be taken with the married couple. A distinct flow of immediate family and extended family photographs must be followed to avoid confusion and make sure that even the family’s goldfish has taken their photo with the couple. Look up the checklist from the internet to get an idea of the flow of photographs so that no relative can complain that they didn’t have a chance to take a photo with you!

Your Wish Is My Desire

wedding photographer ain’t a genie, and you aren’t Aladdin!!

Don’t all brides have their whims and fancies when it comes to photographs? It could be that stunning golf course backdrop view, or that beautiful sunset, or even a wedding dress and the wedding slippers. Photographs tell a tale of our wedding day and it would be best to compile a comprehensive list for the photographer so that he doesn’t miss out on any special moments which you will want to be photographed and kept for memory. The internet again has an abundant list of ideas (crowd applause, exchanging vows, exchanging vows closeup, bride looking at mirror, bride looking at wedding dress, bride looking at her ring – you know the drill) you could use. For the picky ones, state your desires and they shall be granted. For the not-so-picky ones, you can trust your expensive photographer to do their job.

Gone In 60 Seconds

out of topic – this MOVIE just needs more publicity

Nope, it does not refer to how long your marriage lasts, but rather the time it takes for a Polaroid shot to get developed. If you’re trying something creative like Polaroid photographs or instant photo printing service for your guests, make sure that this is made known to your photographer in advance. I attended a wedding whereby the couple gave everyone an instant photograph from the digital photo printer which was provided by the photographer. It adds a personal touch and also ensures that everyone goes home remembering what a beautiful couple you were that night. Another couple made sure that all their guests had a Polaroid picture and once the photographs were developed, the guests wrote their well-wishes next to their Polaroid photographs pasted on a nice scrapbook. Not every photographer may have the necessary equipment to do so and you might want to check before hand.

Time Is Everything

Photography actually takes time! Everyone needs to stand in position, adjust their clothes, suck in their stomachs, smile/grin/put V sign, say Cheese and take at least 2 shots. The good news is – The above sequence takes only 2 minutes. The bad news is – You’re running out of time.
Make sure that when you prepare your wedding ceremony or wedding banquet timetable, there is adequate time to cater for photography for you and your guests and family members. Failure to do so will ensure that you will offend many people and your shots will not turn out nice. You have been forewarned!

Alright, stop sniggering. It’s been a long day and both of you probably want to retire back to your hotel suite for a well deserved rest. Of course, the wedding night has been a long cherished moment both of you have been looking forward to and you certainly want to make sure everything goes right the first night!

The wedding night can be a taboo for discussion especially for the more conservative Asians but a little preparation and some tips below will help path the way to a wonderful night!

Keeping Your Emotions In (Reality) Check

Both guys and girls approach sex very differently and hence, one must always bear in mind that your partner may or may not be as prepared as you for the wedding night. This is especially true for virgins who may have a myriad of emotional anxiety, excitement, stress or apprehension. Fret not as you are not alone feeling this way.

Some people may even have emotional trauma when it comes to sex due to bad experiences encountered while growing up. This could be in the form of strict upbringing whereby parents view sex as a taboo / “dirty” subject or unpleasant past experiences.

As such, it is very important that couples take some time to communicate their expectations of their first night as a couple. Discuss on your fears and fantasies will prepare both of you better for the big night. Should any partner have a physiological or physical barrier towards intimacy, it would be best to seek professional help to overcome this issue. Remember, women are emotional and men are physical when it comes to sex. Take time to discuss your differences.

It is also important to respect each other’s desires and boundaries when it comes to sex on the first night. Take your time to explore each other and this will keep your marriage interesting for many years to come.

Planning Goes A Long Way

Well, women normally need a lot of preparation to get them into mood for the wedding night. Okay, I do mean for any night that involves sex. It would help to prepare in advance the lighting, scents, music and a very comfortable bed to get the girls into the mood for love. Guys, you’ve been forewarned. Any wham bang thank you ma’am will not score you any points, much less for the bride’s first night. In fact, you may just have turned them off with your insensitive approach to the most magical moment in their lives.

A relaxed atmosphere will certainly get things going. It doesn’t hurt if both parties did some body “housekeeping” to present their best for the big night. Unwanted hairs can be easily removed and excess flab can be reduced with regular trips to the gym / dieting prior to the wedding. Confidence or a lack thereof can sometimes play a key role on the big night.

Looking sexy is always a key ingredient to a fun night! You could surprise each other with lovely gifts so that they can wear it for the night of passion. The internet has full of surprises for the big sexy night!

Be creative! Think along the lines of candles, aromatherapy, massage oils, chocolates & strawberries, bubble bath and etc.

Oh, a word of caution, if family planning is in the works, prepare the rubber (read : protection)!

It’s Not The Rush Hour Honey

Sometimes people put too much expectations on the first night. Let’s be realistic : After months and weeks of preparation, a whole day of events and a hectic schedule, who else has the mood for sex?

Normally, couples can’t wait to retire to their beds and have a good night sleep. It could be a case of the drunk groom who probably isn’t even going to get out of his suit, much less get his you-know-what up and running. It could be that the newlyweds have to sleep early so that they can rush off to their honeymoon the next day.

For the many reasons, the consummation may not happen on the wedding night and there is nothing to be ashamed off. You both have got a lifetime together and I always say it’s the journey that is important, not how you start it off.

After a long and hectic day, the last thing you both want is to continue to put on a false smile and try to please one another. If both of you are tired, take a well deserved break and let the “festivities” carry on the next day.

The wedding night is only as good as you want it to be. There’s nothing wrong to postpone it to another opportune occasion when both of you are physically and mentally ready for the best time of your lives!

We all heard the naysayers in the last few months predicting an economic recession for this year. You’re scared and you know it’s true. With everything going up except your salary, you’re both wondering if there’s anyway to keep costs down at your wedding. The best solution is to postpone it but you probably can’t wait to start your new life together. So that leaves us with the next best option – Cost Cutting measures. What I’m going to share below is probably not going to win a Nobel prize for Economics, but I’m quite sure it’ll save you enough money to go on a decent honeymoon.

Trim the fat

As you go about preparing your wedding, keep an eye on stuff which are going to blow your budget. Itemise the items which you have to purchase and mark out priorities for these items. I’m sure you can do without the 2 turtle doves or an elaborate fireworks display. When it comes to trimming the excess off your budget, you can never go wrong repeating the three mantras – Beg, Borrow & Steal.

If there’s anything you can have without purchasing it, just do it. Network with your relatives and friends to see if there’s any help you can garner from them with regards to them contributing to your wedding plans. This could be in terms of financial or physical aid. If you’ve been a nice person all these while, I’m sure aid will come pouring in once you’ve opened your mouth.

Look out for mundane objects such as ring pillow, wedding accessories, decorations or even that bridal car which you could do without buying or renting. Make your requests known early so that once word gets around, your relatives and friends can keep a lookout for you. This is especially important as there might be some sales or offers which could help you out.

If you need help, never be shy to ask your friends to help you out on your big day. You’ll definitely be able to find someone who’s an amateur or semi-professional photographer, videographer, singer/musician, emcee, photoshop/web designer and etc.

Friends in high places

The person you want to know right now

It’s time to open up your phone book and see which friends you’ve got in high places. By that I mean people who are in the marketing industry or have a large network. It also helps if you’ve got friends who are into trading or premiums as they seem to be able to source great ideas and gifts at cheap prices. These friends probably have connections to people who might help you out in your wedding plans such as florists, wedding planner, event crew, freelance photographers, musicians/singer, classic car collector and etc.

You’ll soon begin to realize the power of networking will help reduce your wedding bill by a big margin. Every penny saved is a penny kept for a rainy day / romantic honeymoon. Heck, you might even be lucky enough to get freebies like I did for my wedding. I asked around and it happened that there was a photo studio who needed to do a cover shot of my wedding venue. Needless to say, some wheeling-dealing and a big personal recommendation from my friend got me beautiful floral arrangements, candle stands and décor for my wedding venue completely free! Of course I bought my friend a good dinner for his help!

Age of internet

Needless to say in the age of blogs and forums, every bride-to-be has scoured the internet for the best tips and resources. They find refuge in fellow netizens who are walking the same journey towards their big day.

Other than collating information on the best deals in town, it doesn’t hurt to find out if there’s any common ground which both of you could share on. An example could be that you found out that another couple is using the same premises the day before yours. It wouldn’t hurt to ask if you could split costs with them with regards to the wedding decorations, table centerpieces and floral arrangements. Fresh flowers usually last more than 2 days and frankly, no one pays that much attention to the freshness of the flowers these days. You could also ask about other services such as emcee or musicians where costs can be shared. Service providers normally provide a discount if they get multiple bookings.

Think smart, not hard

Trade secrets can be useful when planning your wedding. Did you know that flowers generally cost more during the period near festivals and important occasions like Mother’s Day? It is also important to note that your selection of flowers should also tie in with those which are in season. Costs for hiring musicians and emcee also rise due to the increase in demand on these dates. Plan your important day away from these occasions if possible. By the way, plastic flowers cost much lesser than fresh ones and they look just about the same with the proper skills in floral arrangement

It’s becoming common knowledge that wedding lunches are much cheaper than dinners. Moreover, the restaurant can cater to the same menu as the dinner banquet at a lower cost since it’s all about economies of scale for them. This means you don’t have to compromise on the quality of your wedding banquet.

Wedding dresses and night dresses all have a fashion lifespan. If you plan to buy a dress, be sure to ask when is the new batch of dresses coming in. Chances are the old batch of dresses will be sold at a considerable discount once the arrival for the new season’s fashion is in. Make friends with the outlet supervisor and she might even throw in a staff discount (up to 30%) for you if you’re nice to her. I’ve done it before and you can do it too! Don’t be shy to ask for a favour from a stranger, they’re probably too nice to refuse you if you can convince them their help means a lot to you.

A person learns best from history

A practical way to save some money is to ask your married friends! Practically everyone has a no. 1 regret on their wedding budget. Just round them up and ask them this question – If they could cut a cost from their wedding, what would it have been and what was their solution to it?

You would be surprised at all the nuggets of information you could get from them to help you with your budget. I’ve heard about stories of invitation of too many guests, improper allocation and control of liquor being served and unnecessary flowers / decorations which no one took much notice in the end.

Already planning for your honeymoon?

How about the Twin Towers instead of this one?

A little budgeting goes a long way to keep you out of debt. We came to realize that the money saved could have extended our honeymoon by a few days or gotten us to a more exotic destination. Remember, your big day goes by in a flash and you probably will not recall much of it until you watch the video. If you invested your savings into that new king size bed or fabulous silk satin sheets, you would have looked back and thanked me for it.

My no. 1 regret on my wedding budget? Wedding photos taken at the photo studio.

All fairy tale stories usually have a similar recurring theme in their animation movies. They usually involve a beautiful maiden, a male suitor, a baddie and definitely a happily ever after. Judging from all the children’s costume competitions that are so prevalent lately, it is easy to see that every girl has her own secret idol. From the luscious hair of Rapunzel to the carefree life of a Princess in Aladdin, every girl wishes that she can have the particular character or physical attributes of her Princess idol.

Other than enjoying a good romantic ending, I always tend to discover the life stories after the movies end and how they relate to a relationship. Can’t see the connection? Here’s a few for you to ponder on!

Snow White

Ahh… The iconic movie that is billed the Mother of All Fairy Tales. When the movie was first released, most of the children thought their grandmothers looked suspiciously like an evil witch and they suddenly understood why an apple a day kept the doctor away. Other than reminiscing the times when I always stood in front of my mum’s mirror and insisted that it tells me that I was the fairest of them all, I also understood that in life, our loved ones often help us in ways we cannot imagine. Looking back at how the dwarves tried to save Snow White from the evil Queen, it made me reflect on the times when my own friends and family members often told me to stay clear of men who were not suitable for me.

Often when we’re blinded by love, the best person to judge the boyfriend’s character and intentions are actually outsiders. They could be your parents, your close friends or even colleagues. Since we’re so caught up in the moment, they may be events that we often miss out which could be tell-tale signs of how the relationship is going to end. More often than not, we put the blame on ourselves for not trying harder in the relationship. This could be in terms of making more time for each other, sacrificing things like a holiday to run his errands and etc. We might think that our efforts are worth it but our friends may think otherwise.

Our girlfriends and parents are actually the best combing tools to weed out potential disastrous relationships. Just as the dwarves knew about the kind heartedness of Snow White and how easily she could be manipulated by the wrong parties, our friends and families who’ve watched us grow up also know whether “that” man is suitable for us. Lest we have to hear the words “ I told you so”, it’ll be wise to look to your friends and parents occasionally and ask them for their opinions of your guy. Brutal honesty hurts but if they give their thumb of approval, you’ll be sure of a happily ever after.

Pochahontas

In a world where freedom of marriage is now considered a birthright, our elders often put a damper in our relationships, especially those which involve cross cultural partners. Our elders have been shackled by the chains of conservatism and it takes time and effort to make them read the same page as you.

Pochahontas was probably doing what any girl would have done : Fighting for her right to love the man she desired. When Pochahontas saved her beloved Captain from her father, the selfless act proved that love transcends all race, religions and family backgrounds. Her dad was touched by her daughter’s love and set the Captain free. The Captain also repaid her dad’s trust by saving him from a bullet.

The walls of distrust are always there, especially when you have conservative parents and a boyfriend of a different race. Breaking down these walls is never easy but it is worth it. Make sure that your partner supports your actions in convincing your parents that his love for you is nothing but pure and real. Parents tend to overprotective, especially so if they do not understand the culture and mannerism of their prospective son in law. I strongly believe that education and perseverance will help you win your parents over. Vice versa.

If your boyfriend is scratching his head on how to win your parents over, he could always pick up a line or two from the movie. In one memorable scene, Pocahontas visits John and says it would have been better had they never met, but Captain John says he would “rather die tomorrow than live 100 years without you (Pocahontas).” I remembered using up an entire pack of tissues after hearing that line.

Cinderella

Cinderella always makes me recall one word “ Step-mothers”. Nope, I’m not talking about the nice ones but those who probably sent the Devil scurrying to do their housework. We’ve probably heard all the jokes there are about evil stepmothers, but did we see Cinderella lament about her miserable life? Probably not.

Whilst it’s so common for us to conveniently point the finger at others for our problems Cinderella has been a pillar of quiet strength and beauty. Even when she was harshly treated by all and sundry, Cinderella did not flitch from her responsibilities and even managed to make the best out of her situation. Heaven is always fair to you if you do unto others, how you want others to do unto you. It also does help if you have a fairy godmother granting your wishes with a wave of the wand.

Yet the central theme of Cinderella is forgiveness. The moral of the story can be summed up simply as “Beauty is a treasure but graciousness is priceless. Without it nothing is possible; with it, one can do anything”. I’ve learnt that forgiveness is an integral part of maintaining a close relationship with my loved ones. If Cinderella could forgive her step sisters at the end of the story, what better tonic is there for this unfair world if we do not aspire to be more like her.

Beauty and the Beast

Before you start looking at your boyfriend to make sure those nose hairs are in place, why not think back the first time you met him? Was it love at first sight? Was it his muscular appearance that caught your eye? Or was it his romantic gestures that set your heart fluttering?

As much as conventional fairy tales portray their Princesses as a sight to behold, you’d probably be dismayed to know he probably thinks you’re the Beast in the relationship. It’s conventional wisdom that guys woo girls for looks and girls are attracted by guys with inner beauty. Anything extra is a welcome bonus.

In the fairy tale, it tells of sacrifices made by Belle and Beast. Belle had to stay at the castle so as to fulfill her father’s earlier promise, whilst Beast had to let Belle go home even though he did not bear to do so. When Belle finally returns to the castle, she finds Beast dying in his rose bed with a broken heart. Belle had begun to love Beast despite his appearance and she managed to break the curse and Beast was transformed into his original form.

However, this fairy tale is not about who is the prettier one in the relationship. It is perfectly normal for both parties to have unrealistic expectations of their other half in a relationship. The trick is to find a compromise so that you become the Beast and your other half becomes the Beauty. This not only ensures that both of you strive to meet your other half’s expectations, both your sacrifices will also enhance your relationship to the next level. It may sound like hard work but believe me, you’ll get to hear the sweet sounds of birds and bells in your golden years.

In the end, fairy tale cartoons are not just fantasies that occur in a far, far land once upon a time. With the right attitudes towards a relationship, both of you could create the happy ending that would be the envy of others. If there was one last characteristic I always wanted to have after watching the cartoon movies, it’s a good singing voice so that I can summon the birds, rabbits and other cute animals to do my household chores every morning!

It’s the month of sunny June and I’m getting tons of wedding invitations from friends all over. If it’s a wedding of a close friend, you’ll be more than eager to participate and make sure that his/her wedding will be a memorable one for everyone. However, things never seem to go right at times, especially if unexpected problems suddenly crop up. That’s the story I’m going to share with you all and a valuable lesson could be learnt from my experience.

Uncooperative Guests

Some can come looking like a goat!

Problem Scenario – If there’s anything that can stress up your wedding dinner, it’s the guests from hell who refuse to listen to you. You can have the perfect seating plan but always bear in mind that there are always the odd black sheep who refuse to do as they are told. They will saunter into the banquet hall and do their own things. I had the bad experience of trying to tell them to check with the reception counter for their allocated seating arrangement but they just simply refused to listen. This was especially true for the elderly guests as they felt that they had the right to sit with their friends, any where they liked. In the end, we faced a problem whereby a table had too many guests or the guest who arrived later were forced to sit at other tables. This of course lead to many unhappy scenes and problematic seating arrangements.

Preventive Measure – Make sure the couple run through the guest list with their family / ushers a few times prior to the banquet to identify problematic guests (Read : elderly guests). Ensure that the banquet staff keep a few chairs on standby because there’s bound to be guests who insist on “gate-crashing” particular tables where their friends / relatives are. Have the immediate family members on standby so that they can direct their family friends / relatives to the allocated tables and do “trouble-shooting” / “sweet talking” should the guests refuse to cooperate with the ushers.

Unfilled Tables

Don’t go breaking the bank for your wedding dinner!

Problem Scenario – Unfilled tables mean a loss of “income” to the newlyweds. The food is wasted due to insufficient guests and proper management of unfilled tables could lead to savings by “closing off” / transferring the guests to fill up other unfilled tables. The problem is compounded by the fact that the guests at the table do not know who is sitting at the same table or that they are not sure if their friends will make it to the dinner or not. Unfilled tables are the bane of wedding banquets as 1) the guests at the particular table feel “naked” due to the empty seats and 2) food is inevitably wasted as the guests will be full by the 4th – 5th course of the banquet.

Preventive Measure – RSVP your guests to make sure that they are turning up for the banquet. Try to ensure that the guests at the table know each other so that the ushers can request the guests to call their friends to confirm if they are still coming. In the worst case scenario, ensure that the guest’s phone number is available so that the ushers can make the calls themselves to confirm the arrival of the guests. If all things fail, make the practical choice of moving the guests to another unfilled table and hope for the best. Remember, it is not your responsibility to ensure that the guest turns up punctually.

Irresponsible Ushers / Family Members

Get the real usher for the job!

Problem Scenario – The duties have all been set and allocated to the respective usher / family member. Suddenly when the crowd starts streaming to the banquet hall, you find yourself doing ten tasks all by yourself. You look around and find that the person who was responsible for their part of the duties have either gone to the bar for drinks and simply abandoning his duty to chat up some pretty lady. It can be tough if you don’t know the person well enough to tell him to come back and the newlywed’s too busy to help you call them back to their duties. All hell’s going to break loose so what do you do?

Preventive Measure – Check with the couple and get them to assign a duty supervisor for the wedding banquet. Preferably, this person knows all the people on duty that night so that things don’t get too confrontational. Get the people on duty together for at least 1 meeting prior to the wedding banquet so that they can familiarize with each other and their respective duties. Iron out potential problems and make sure everyone is responsible enough to carry out their duty respectively.

The Superstar Wannabe

Just a wannabe ….

Problem Scenario – You’ve hired a MC / wedding singer and she thinks that she is the star of the night. Not contended with just performing her numbers on stage, she insists that the guests applaud after every performance. She might even do a stand up comedy routine and expects everyone to give her the attention she deserves. Just what do you do with someone who’s determined to live out her superstar fantasy in front of an unconcerned crowd?

Preventive Measure – Like all job interviews, check with your MC / singer’s credentials. Get to know his/her routine and make sure you like what you hear before hiring him / her. Keep the entertainment straight to the point and make sure there’s no hidden surprises like cross dressing performances or scantily clad provocative dancing which could make your guests choke on their shark’s fin. If the performance crosses the line, be firm and tell him/her to tone down the performance a little.

Pop Goes The Weasel

It’s not ME! I’m cute!

Problem Scenario – One of the main highlight of the wedding banquet is probably the champagne toasting. It’s where the MC blesses the newlywed on behalf of the family and friends, wishing them happiness and longevity in their marriage. We had the horror of seeing the groom fail to pop open the champagne bottle and there was no spare bottle. In the end, the guests had to endure the uneasy silence while seeing the groom and the banquet staff struggling to pop open the bottle. I guess delivering a baby is probably much easier. In our Chinese culture where the champagne bottle represents a phallic symbol, the failure to pop open a bottle is sure to invite a lot of sniggers and dirty looks.

Preventive Measure – Make sure that the banquet uses champagne bottles which do not date back to the stone ages. Check the expiry dates prior to the banquet and insist that they keep a few spare bottles in case things really do not go according to plan. Make sure the groom is taught the proper method of opening a champagne bottle and practice before hand if the need arises.

The Lackluster Toast

A good toast? I don’t think so …

Problem Scenario- The family members and friends are finally invited to the stage to toast the guests and thank them for attending the wedding. The toasting begins and you only hear the groom staining his voice to make the toast. Generally, it would take more than a couple of family members and friends to spice up the toasting with the long and hearty “Yam Sengs”. We had to listen to the groom struggle for breath after each toast. What a pitiful sight!

Preventive Measure – Make sure that your MC generates enough atmosphere and encourage the guests to toast to the newlyweds. It is even more important to ensure your family members and friends are already pre-assigned to bust their lungs out during the toasting session. Make sure that there are enough microphones to go around so that everyone on stage gets a chance to give their “oomph” for the toasting! If the adults are shy, get your cousins and nephews/nieces to help out!

Last Saturday, we were invited to a wedding and our names were no where to be found in the guest list. Imagine our horror and the embarrassment when the reception had to call up the groom to check if we were the guest.

Could all the hiccups be minimized when drawing up the guest list? Drawing up the guest list is one of the most stressful things if not executed properly. As the saying, too many cooks spoil the broth. Usually the invitations are divided into three groups – the bride and groom, and the bride and groom’s respective families.

After choosing the venue, the parties involved should sit down and draw up the list of who they want to invite, taking into consideration the seating capacity of the venue. You wouldn’t want to squeeze fifty tables into a capacity of thirty and packed your guests like sardines in a can! Usually for first wedding in the family, parents are more excited than the bride and bride groom and want to invite everyone even the ones they don’t know well. It’s like they have somehow missed out on their own wedding and have to crash their children’s wedding.

This inevitably causes problems, as everyone will have conflicting ideas on who should and shouldn’t be invited. Your mother will insist on inviting aunties and uncles you never knew you had, while your father-in-law-to-be will want to invite all his colleagues and business associates. And to top it all off, your fiancé wants to invite his drinking pals. You’ll be left wondering if there will be any room for your friends.

Looking back, we should have put our foot down when it comes to the invited guests. When we planned our wedding our venue had the seating capacity for seventy tables of which forty five tables are guests whom we don’t even know. Even if we were to bump into each other on the street, we wouldn’t even recognize them. That is why it’s important to streamline your guests and invite people who mean most to you and are sincerely happy for you. In the end it really boils down into what kind of wedding celebration you have in mind.

These are a few lessons I have learn after planning for my wedding. Hopefully you can find it useful.

1. Allow yourself plenty of time to plan the guest lists, Do not do it under a time constrain. You’ll be stress out, temper’s will flare and in the end you might not even have a wedding to plan.

2. Have in mind what kind of wedding you want. Is it something small and cozy or big and extravagance? If you have set your heart on a venue, work you guest list around the venue’s seating capacity. Or plan out the number of guests you want to invite and find a place that can accommodate all your guests. No hard and fast rule on this. Which came first, the chicken or the egg?

3. However, do take into consideration your budget. Will you be able to afford the cost of the wedding dinner for 100 tables in the event that your red envelopes would not cover? You would not want to start the journey of your marriage saddled with debts. Unless you are the heir of Hilton or one of the children of Sultan, do not plan a wedding that is over your means. One way is to cut back on the guests you are inviting. Quality is better than quantity.

4. Another challenge is deciding on the people you would really want to share the special day. Naturally you are on top of the world and is excited to announce to the world that you are getting married, regardless of whether you actually keep in touch with them or not. You may even feel that you have to invite everyone you know for fear of offending them if you don’t. However, if you barely know each other, they’ll probably understand why they were not invited. They would be relieved too as they would be able to save on the red envelopes.

It’s better to have guest who are genuinely happy for you rather than those who attend for the free food. One of my father-in-law’s business associate asked his staff to attend our wedding on his behalf. In the end this person ended up raiding our free flow bar, gotten drunk and nearly crashed our toasting session! Experiences like this make me wish I could undo the past and redo my wedding.

5. Is it going to be an adult only affair or are children included? If your seating capacity is packed to the maximum, I’ll suggest you leave out the children. If you can afford to fit in a few extra guests, include only those of your very close relatives and friends.

6. Run through and compare the lists that both families and all parties involved have prepared. Check, double check and triple check that no one important has been left out. Make sure the parties involved each have a complete set of the master guest list. In that way you can be sure all invited guest have a place for dinner.

My husband and I once went to a wedding reception where the bride and groom thought that we are in their parents’ guest lists and vice versa. Well, this assumption left us with no seats at the wedding dinner.

7. Organize the seating plan. Make sure you sit people whom they are comfortable with together. Never make the mistake of seating your Great Aunt who has not been on talking terms with your second aunt together. You’ll end up with a scene. And you are definitely not the centre of attention!

8. Arrange your guest lists in alphabetical order, it makes it easier for the reception and usher to show your guests their table.

9. Who pays for the wedding gets to decide? We wanted to pay for our own wedding but one set of parents insists on picking up the tab and keeping the red envelopes. This is a tricky situation and is best settled in the early part of the planning. Give and take wherever is required. I strongly prefer to pay for the wedding myself so that I can control the overall direction of the wedding plan.

As I look back on my wedding, it was the sincere people who made the event what it was. So think about what’s really important to you – what you absolutely have to have, and what you can do without.

Hopefully these sharing can make your guest planning easier for you.

It was a fairy tale proposal and you cannot believe that little diamond ring is on your finger as you go to sleep. As you blissfully think about the upcoming wedding plans and surprised (and jealous) faces of your friends the next morning, probably you might want to devote that night’s dreams into the following areas in your life as you ponder whether it was too hasty on your part to accept the wedding proposal-

Family Background

I’m sure when we’re in love, we tend to cheat ourselves and say that all that matters is our love for one another. Unfortunately in most cases (I’d say 99.9%), when two people marry, it’s actually the union of two families.

There could not be anything more devastating than to realize that either (or both) sets of parents strongly oppose to the marriage. Sure we’ve seen enough drama serials to tell us that it’s often the difference in social, monetary and religious status or the fact that the mother cannot bear to let her daughter get married to a lowly salaried individual.

Whilst we’re quite sure our parents always have our best interests at heart, however, our parents (and grandparents) did grow up in a different era where there weren’t any internet entrepreneurs and arranged marriages were the norm. Even back then, inter-racial marriages were frowned upon. Hence, their perception of our prospective partners may be slightly skewed and prejudiced in certain ways.

Consider the family backgrounds of yourself and your partner. When doing so, do seriously talk to each other about the degree of happiness or unhappiness of both sets of parents. Psychologists cannot stress enough the importance of the impact of parents’ relationship on their children. As we grow up in our families, we perceive marriage according to our parents lives. If it was a happy marriage, the child will be very receptive to marriage. However, if there’s been a messy separation or divorce in the family, more often than not, the scars of parental custody has a heavy toll on the child’s perception of what constitutes a marriage.

Next thing to talk about is to discuss how issues and problems in your family were resolved. Some say potato, some say potatoe. Every family has a different approach towards solving family issues and problems. Some go by the democratic process of discussion and voting, whilst others have the typical (father or mother)dictatorship process. You’d be surprised that maybe some families never address their issues and problems, which eventually leads to the deterioration of family bonds.

The next item on the list is to talk about how both of you would cope with the situation if any of your parents were in disagreement on the following issues :-

Social class, financial security, religious commitment and number of children in your family.

You’ve got to ask yourself how could these issues affect your marriage. Most importantly, should any of these issues rise, whose side is your partner (or you) going to side with? With his (your) parents or you (him)? It’s always better to clear all these doubts and potential marriage breakers before committing to a marriage.

Next, how are you, as a couple, going to approach the relationship with your parents and your parent’s once married? How much time do you feel you will want to spend with them? Granted that we’re a nation of migratory workers, you and your partner will face a potential headache when it comes to parental visitation and “balik kampung” decisions. Generally, it’s safe to say that parents are more clingy when it comes to their daughter moving out. So guys, you have to make that extra commitment to ensure that your wife’s parents do not start hating you because you do not allow her to visit them regularly enough. Traditionally for most races, it is generally accepted that once guys get married, they are expected to move out and start their own family. That’s unless you’ve got yourself a mama’s boy.

Finances

If the lack of financial security did not already sour your courtship, probably this is the next important factor to consider.

Have you decided how both of you will handle your finances and which one of you will do the book-keeping? Although not all of us are born accountants, but at least either one in the relationship has to call the shots when it comes to managing the family finances.

Marriage is a lifelong commitment and whilst young lovers may throw caution to the wind, insufficient finances will eventually cause strains to the marriage. Let’s face it, we may never be millionaires, but at least, we would like to have a comfortable family life in the future. Managing our finances is important towards sustaining a happy marriage. As my mother always say, it’s not how much your husband earns, it’s how much we wives save.

A comfortable life would probably entail the following financial commitments which includes a house, a car, insurances, investments/savings and some shopping money. Analyze both your financial situations and try drawing up a budgeting plan. Whilst drafting your budgeting plan, do make considerations on the purpose of setting aside money for that particular commitment – How much, how often and for what purpose.

The budget should also ideally include the existing debt which you or your partner may have. May it be from that excessive drinking from his college days, or that excessive shopping/food binging after your last break-up, debt settlement/reduction should be a foremost priority. If in doubt, always consult experts in the financial planning field.

Do also consider the following questions :

* Will you both set aside allowances each month for personal spending?
* Would you expect your partner to set aside an allowance for you each month as household allowance?
* Do you believe that one should ask permission of the other before making any purchase, only large purchase or no need to ask at all?
* Most importantly, what are your attitudes towards accepting financial aid from either of your parents?

Housing arrangements

Now we come to the all too familiar question when we’re preparing for our marriage – Where are we going to stay?

Logically, when your partner proposed to you, you had better pray hard that he has had the common sense to already think a few steps ahead and think of providing you a comfortable place to live with him. No one ever wants to stay in a 2 room apartment where there’s enough occupants there for 6 rooms.

The next question is where –His place? Your place? Or a new place?

It’s not uncommon to move into his parent’s house and neither is it uncommon to move out to a new place. However, it sure will hurt his ego if you were to “force” him to move into your parent’s place.

Thus, it will be wise to discuss on his plans on where both of you will be staying. Your final decision may be affected by the following factors :- budget constraints, parent’s insistence that you stay with them, parents who are immobile or with critical illness such as heart or stroke patients, privacy concerns and proximity to work, friends, family or public amenities.

As we dwell on the subject on budget constraints, enough cannot be said on budgeting. To rent or buy, that is the question. Work out both your personal finances and factor in possible salary increments, bonuses or better career opportunities. Whilst your parents may wish to see their daughter have a roof over their head, financial experts will say that it is foolish to spend most of your joint income towards paying your housing loan. As I’ve already mentioned in my earlier paragraph that parents do live in a different era than ours, renting a place to live is no longer looked down upon.

We’re just realistic people living in a realistic world. If our finances only allow us to rent a place, then so be it. Utilise the remaining money to invest wisely or set aside for a rainy day, instead of dumping all your money into brick and mortar. Last I tried, lickng the paint off my wall did not solve my hunger problems. Once both of your financial standings have improved, it is never too late to buy that dream house. Remember, a house does not maketh a marriage. Neither do we have to live up to people’s expectations that our marriage is any less successful than theirs if we do not have our own house.

Well, if it comes to the point that even renting a place presents a problem, staying with parents is the next logical solution. But whose?

I think parents generally welcome the addition of a family member to their household. It means that there is better family bonds and more time for mother in law and daughter in law interaction. In some cases as you’ve seen in drama serials, it means an extra maid in the house. (Just kidding) Then again, it’s never all that bad. I believe that if we can get along with our partner’s family members, it will strengthen the marriage. Do consider the following before moving in :- Family values, family traditions, expectations on you in terms of sharing of household chores, expenses and etc, privacy issues, compatibility of family member’s temperaments against yours. Have a good talk with your partner on the above issues before deciding to move in.

If your parents have mobility or health issues, you would have to talk to your partner as to whether he is willing to move into your parents place so that he can help out. It makes sense for a man to be in the house so that he can help with the more heavy chores such as lifting the patient or taking the patient for regular check ups.

We’ve just got married and I want our privacy! I believe privacy is the right of every couple. We don’t want our parents or siblings to stumble into our kissing session in the living room nor do we want his grandfather having a heart attack when he saw you in your sexy lingerie, do we? Discuss on privacy issues wherever you’ve decided to move in, especially so if you’re staying with family or relatives.

Last but not least, consider whether your new housing is going to be easily accessible to your work places, family and friends. Choosing a house is a long term commitment. You don’t want to move into a place where it is inaccessible. Furthermore, if you are planning for a child in the near future, it makes sense to move to a place near your parents. Other items for consideration may include the location of your friends and public amenities.

Employment

Now that’s you’re going to get married, do you continue working or does he expect you to stay at home? Granted that most men are expected to be the breadwinners in the family, in our present economy, a dual income family is the norm.

There may be a problem when you’re very happy with present job and it pays very well. Moreover, your present job may have potential for advancement. Will all these affect him? How does he feel if his wife is earning more than him?

If he wants you to stay at home, what are you going to do? Will there be enough income? Will you be able to spend your time fruitfully and meaningfully? Is there a contingency plan should he be retrenched or lose his job somewhat?

If you’ve decided on your employment status, you would also have to ask yourself the following questions :

* Are you comfortable with his job?
* Does his job entail long working hours and lots of traveling?
* Does his job entail a lot of night entertainment or weekend golfing?
* Are you involved in his working environment in terms of his job scope, his superiors or his staff?

Your partner will appreciate you a lot more if you could devote more time into understanding his job scope. Nevertheless, we want to look out for potential marriage breakers such as the husband not spending enough time with the wife after marriage, or having an extra marital affair due to the nature of his work.

Physical Health

People differ greatly with regards to attitudes about health. It is always good to talk about family health histories and learn more about each other’s background in view of the impending marriage. In this age of pre-marital sex, it is not possible to judge a book by its cover. Nowadays, a pre-marriage health check-up is a pre-requisite for all couples.

Pre-marriage check-ups aim to help couples gain a better understanding of their health. If diseases are detected in their early or asymptomatic stage, especially diseases that are infectious or have serious effect on the next generation, treatment can be started at an early stage and therefore providing an important safeguard for the health of the couples and their future offspring.

The check-up normally comprise basic health assessment tests, blood tests and body check-ups. You may want to stress the inclusion of additional laboratory tests of greater concern such as Hepatitis B & C, Rubella, Rhesus Factor, Thalassemia and Sexually Transmissible Diseases. For a better understanding of the above medical conditions, please consult your family doctor for advice.

Mental Health

Now that you’ve gone for your check-ups, it’s time to assess you and your partner’s mental health. As we move through different stages in our lives, we enjoy and cherish happy times as well as face obstacles in life. In fact, many of the things that bring us great joy and fulfillment, such as close relationships, a promotion, a dream holiday, or buying a home, also can cause stress on our mental health.

At some point we also have to cope with traumatic life events such as dealing with a loved one’s serious illness or death, a loss of a job, domestic violence or sexual assault. Changes in our physical health also affect our mental health. Changes in the body’s hormone levels from pregnancy and childbirth, or from menopause, can cause depression, anxiety, irritability, and tearfulness.

We all feel worried, anxious or sad from time to time, men and women alike. But, a true mental health disorder makes it hard for a person to function normally. Women suffer twice as often as men by most forms of depression and anxiety disorders, and nine times as often by eating disorders. While there are different mental health disorders, they all are real illnesses that can’t be willed or wished away.

You aren’t at fault if you have one, and you should not suffer in silence. The same goes if this is happening to your partner. Be patient with yourself or your partner and reach out to others for help. Be supportive for one another. These illnesses can be medically treated successfully so that you can get back to enjoying life — not only for yourself, but for your family too.

The main mental disorders include self-esteem issues, depression, self-hurt, stress, bi-polar disorder, suicidal thoughts, body image and eating disorders, phobias, mood disorders (rage issues) and panic disorders. This list is not exhaustive.

Experts have concluded studies showing that one in five people will experience a mood disorder in their lifetime but less than one half will seek treatment. If you’ve both discovered that either one of you has a mental disorder, it will be wise to address the issue now, rather than to leave it till it’s too late.

Sexual Health And Intimacy Issues

“Sex itself isn’t as big a part of being married as I thought it would be,” said a friend of mine after her marriage. “I mean, how much time out of a busy life can you actually spend in bed?” My friend and I went on to talk about how sharing and intimacy in a marriage involve so much more than a particular sex act. In a satisfying marriage, each partner has a feeling of emotional closeness that the other nurtures by being trustworthy and thoughtful. Lovemaking is that exciting extra dimension that enriches and enlivens married life. It is the most intimate way we have of expressing our love; it is the way God has given us to create new life.

Being comfortable with your sexuality is important in developing a healthy, happy sex life. Attitudes toward sex are learned and any feelings that keep you from full participation in lovemaking can be unlearned and replaced by new attitudes. If sexual compatibility or some other problem with sex causes ongoing strife in your marriage, it is wise to go to a qualified therapist.

The World Health Organization (WHO) defines sexual health as “the state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being related to sexuality; it is not merely the absence of disease, dysfunction and infirmity. Sexual health requires a positive, respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence. For sexual health to be attained and maintained, the sexual rights of all persons must be respected, protected and fulfilled.”

Sexual health goes beyond the stereotype “bedtime stories”. It also encompasses a wide range of issues such as attitudes towards promiscuity, sexual hygiene and sexual problems to both male and female.

During your courtship days, he has told you that he is saving it for his first night as a couple, but is he really telling the truth? Though there is no sure fire method of knowing the truth, but one of the easier tests of determining the level of his fickle heart would be to ask your friends.

Most guys unfortunately have the innate ability to target the next prettier thing to walk in a short skirt. Blame it on the theory of evolution and “survival of the fittest” mantra. Have a girly chat with your friends and find out about their opinion of your guy. Generally, best friends can tell the difference between a regular joe and the playboy extraordinaire – and you’re can be pretty sure they won’t lie to you. In any case, they somehow always have a good sixth sense about their best friend’s boyfriend because they’re your safety net from the outside looking in.

Physical intimacy is not all about sex. It’s actually the simple act of touching someone at the right places at the right time, be it just caressing your hair or hugging you in his strong arms. However, since we all grew up in different family environments, touch can indeed be a “touchy” subject.

Since both of you are going to be in a long term relationship with a individual history of touch, sharing that history will give you a better understanding of each other’s need and desire for touch.

To get an idea, try the following phrases and discuss on his answers:-

- As I was growing up, my experience of gentle, loving touch from my mother was satisfying/not satisfying

- As I was growing up, my experience of gentle loving touch from my father was satisfying/not satisfying

- As I was growing up, my experience of gentle, loving touch from a significant other woman was satisfying/not satisfying

- My desire to touch people I care for is nonexistent/high

- When people touch me as a gesture of affection, I am uncomfortable/comfortable

Now, use the following questions to gain insights that will help you both find the fulfillment you both seek:-

- Can we express our feelings to one another?

- Do we resolve our differences before they become major problems?

- Can I ask my partner for what I desire?

- Am I willing to listen to my partner’s desires?

Intimacy issues may stem from a wide range of causes including :-

- We have a these fears because we were wounded in early childhood – we experienced feeling emotionally abandoned, rejected, and betrayed by our parents because they were wounded. They did not have healthy relationship with self – they were codependents who abandoned and betrayed themselves – and their behavior caused us to feel unworthy and unlovable.

A happy marriage will not work if a couple never address their intimacy issues at their early stages!

Communication / Solving conflicts

They say the basic foundation of a happy marriage is love and communication. However, they fail to mention that when it comes to communication, it’s just not those mushy stuff that matters, it’s the conflicts that often break up marriages.

Men by nature use their brains and women use their emotions to solve conflicts. Hence, they can never see eye to eye. Two people sharing their lives in a relationship as intimate as marriage will naturally experience some conflict. Situations arise that cause anger, resentment and jealousy. You may be tempted to suppress what you feel in order to maintain harmony but doing so only puts up a wall between you. If the pattern of ignoring problems and denying feelings continue, the wall grows higher.

Instead of building walls, face problems and settle conflicts as they arise. Think about the last time you both quarreled – How did you settle it amicably?

Constructive conflict can instead be an emotional housecleaning that leads to greater trust and understanding. Discuss the following points with your partner and find out:-

- What have we disagreed about while dating?

- What do we see as potential areas of conflict after we are married?

- What steps can we take now to keep these issues from causing difficulties in our marriage?

- Do we resort to emotional blackmail or physical violence when we cannot resolve issues?

- Do certain things or phrases your partner say prejudice you so that you can’t objectively listen?

- When you are confused or annoyed by what your partner says, do you try to get it straightened out immediately or “let it go”?

- Do you listen with your heart or with your head?

-Do you find it easy to forgive one another after a serious conflict?

Though the above is not comprehensive, it will lead you towards the right direction towards exploring your perceptions towards conflict solving and understanding your partner’s needs better when conflict arises.

What is the “real” reason for getting married

People get married for all the right reasons and also the wrong reasons. Lest you step into a marriage destined for the rocks, examine his priorities towards getting married.

There are just so many excuses to get married, but we will highlight the main ones which should set the alarm going if you hear one of it as his reason for getting married.

1. husband-to-be cannot get along with parents or no space in their present homes or whose own parents are divorced so they want to leave their own home of origin because of the unhappiness

2. financial instability (as a result of a certain direction in career) Getting married would mean “consolidating” both your finances

3. procreation – be it a shotgun marriage or the need to satisfy his parents need to produce a grandson

4. peer pressure – so he’s the last in his family to get married and he’s the butt of all jokes during Chinese New Year gatherings

5. physical/sexual abuse, threats, emotional blackmail, family blackmail

6. Doing it to escape loneliness

7. “Compatible” character – But you two seem to be quarreling most of the time and seem to enjoy a love hate relationship

8. Always entertaining thoughts like “maybe things will get better after marriage” (sometimes they get worse)

9. Too possessive to the point of asking you to drop all your friends and live a solitude life with him

10. Unable to spend a day alone without you – He’s either psycho or you’ve got yourself a koala bear for the rest of your life

As the old folks always say “Whatever the reason, if it doesn’t seem or feel right, it probably isn’t.“

Conclusion

With the rise of divorces worldwide, we cannot stress enough on the importance of considering the compatibilities of you and your partner before entering the sanctity of marriage. Life as a dating couple may have been good, but living together under the same roof for the next 20 years is as they say “ a jail sentence” You had better make sure your prison mate is the perfect one for you!

A Dummies Guide to Wedding Banquet Songs

The sound of silence is a big no-no at any wedding banquet. Songs that inspired that lovely feeling and got him kneeling on one knee to ask for your hand in marriage should always be shared and celebrated. The wedding dinner is only 3 hours long but you’ve got a CD collection as big as Tower Records, so how do we even start selecting our all time favorite songs? Fret not, see which personalities you are below to better narrow down your song selections for your wedding dinner.

Fly Me To The Moon

In other words, jazz songs get you in the mood

You’ve probably seen too many jewelry commercials or simply love the breezy, samba feel to it, jazz songs have long been associated with romantic and intimate moods. In the last few years, jazz songs have been a favorite at most wedding banquets as the sultry singers seem to exude sexiness in the backdrop of saxophones and rhythmic beats. From the saxophone icon of Kenny G to the bossa nova magic of Stan Getz, you will not go wrong with the following picks:-

Diana Krall – S’Wonderful, The Look Of Love

Bebel Gilberto – So Nice

Laura Fygi – Dream A Little Dream, Fly Me To The Moon

Rod Stewart – Time After Time, It Had To Be You

Lisa Ono – I Wish You Love, Look For A Star

Silly love songs make you cry

They say no one makes love songs like they used to. Ask your parents if you do not believe me. Gone are the days of flower power and heart melting lyrics, it’s no wonder these songs are a testament that simple piano chords and meaningful words will forever be timeless classics. Go through the following selections and feel the tuggings at your heart as you ponder over the lyrics:-

Bee Gees – How Deep is Your Love, Emotions

Stevie Wonder – You Are The Sunshine Of My Life, Ebony & Ivory

The Carpenters – We’ve Only Just Begun, Close To You

Engelbert Humperdinck – Quando Quando Quando, Forever And Ever

Frank Sinatra – Something Stupid, L.O.V.E

Light your lighter and sing your love ballads

You know you’ve got that rock chick in you, if you grew up listening to the likes of Bon Jovi, Chicago and Bryan Adams. You could identify with their common themes of love and heartaches. The power divas such as Whiney Houston, Mariah Carey and Celine Dion too have sang their hearts out, proclaiming that there is still love in this world. Share the ups and downs of your love life with the following song selections:-

Bon Jovi – Bed of Roses, I’ll Be There For You

Bryan Adams – I Finally Found Someone, All For Love

Air Supply – Lost In Love, Power Of Love

Celine Dion – My Heart Will Go On, Because You Loved Me

Whitney Houston – I Will Always Love You, Saving All My Love For You

Boybands Are Your Thing

The picture cut outs from the teen magazines are still pasted on your bedroom wall and you remembered you cried your eyes out when you heard that they were splitting up. Boybands have been a major influence on our adolescent lives and most girls would even go the extent of claiming ownership of their respective band member. As we slowly grew into young adults, the teeny bopper songs seem to highlight the thrills and spills of courtship and puppy love. Reminiscence those high school days of secret admirers and love letters as you play the following selection of songs:-

Westlife – Flying Without Wings, Swear It Again

Boyzone – I Love The Way You Love Me, Everyday I Love You

Take That – A Million Love Songs, Back For Good

98 Degrees – I Do (Cherish You), Because Of You

Backstreet Boys – I’ll Never Break Your Heart, I Want It That Way

Reel Life and Real Life

Who can ever forgot those unforgettable moments on the silver screen when the lead actor finally gets the lead actress? From tear jerking love stories to romantic comedies, we have all crossed our fingers and hoped for an ending that is happily ever after. You even suspected your boyfriend tried to use the movie clichés on you at one time or the other. Turn back the clock and relive those cinematic moments when you play the following songs from popular movies:-

When Harry Met Sally – Frank Sinatra (It Had To Be You)

The Wedding Singer – Adam Sandler (Grow Old With You), Spandau Ballet (True)

50 First Dates – Beach Boys (Wouldn’t It Be Nice), Sting (Every Breath You Take)

Notting Hill – Ronan Keating (When You Say Nothing At All), Elvis Costello (She)

Jerry Maguire – Bruce Springsteen (Secret Garden)

Memorable Songs From Other Sources

Everyone of us have watched a romantic Korean or Japanese drama at some point of time. We all loved to gossip and speculate what was going to happen to our lead actress in the next episode. It’s these TV stories that shaped our perception of love life and what better than to share the songs with our guests as we celebrate the first night as husband and wife. For newly weds of other races, you too have your share of favorite singers of your respective languages. If you have predominantly guests of a same race, you would not go wrong by spinning the latest or most popular love songs in the past decade.

Summary

Banquet songs are meant to bring in the mood to an otherwise somber affair. You may want to have special songs for the wedding program items such as first dance, march in or even food presentation. A word of caution here: We all have our favorite break up songs and these songs, no matter how we love singing them in our shower, is a definite spoiler! Someone actually played “Wen Bie/Goodbye” by Jacky Cheung at a dinner, imagine the horror on the guest’s faces!

Needless to say, you’ll want the wedding to be perfect and, most importantly, the brides will want to look beautiful on this special day.

Top 10 things to plan

Venue

There are many places to hold ones special day in Malaysia. You will be spoilt for choices from the many locations and packages such as beach weddings, highland weddings, garden weddings or even traditional/ ceremonial weddings. Even for venues save from the clutches of the weather you could choose from hosting it on a yacht, in a penthouse/ suite in a luxurious hotels/ resorts or even in a ferries wheel in Titiwangsa. A wedding can be either formal or informal. The more formal the ceremony, the more intricate the planning usually is. Decide early in the process and plan accordingly. Make the reservation early to avoid disappointment. (Important tips: Malaysia is a tropical country. Do take into consideration the time of the year the wedding will be held, especially if it’s an outdoor wedding.) The weather conditions could pose a possible threat to your Big Day. You wouldn’t want your guest to be running for shelter as you are halfway through exchanging your vows! Or to be half-cooked under the scorching sun!

What caterer to pick?

(if the venue does not provide catering services)
Malaysia is multi-racial country, so let your taste buds run wild with the extensive selection of local cuisine. From delicious starters to desserts, you can savour from a variety of Chinese, Malay, Indian, Peranakan, Western, Fusion and the lists goes on. Whether you opt for a cocktail reception, a buffet or a sit down 8 to 10 course banquet dinner, it all depends on your budget and the number of guests you are inviting.

Wedding invitations

Planning the guest lists can be very challenging and stressful if you do not have a head start. With our Asian culture, the guest lists run into thousands because the parents and parents-in-law want to invite the whole town to the wedding. Once you’ve finalised on the venue, take into consideration the capacity of the place and the number of guests it can accommodate. It can be a very sensitive topic to decide who’s invited and who’s not. If you have too big a crowd, you might want to consider two sittings, one for a cocktail or buffet luncheon after the wedding ceremony and probably the other for the dinner reception. Remember to send out the invitations early and include a map to prevent guests from getting lost.

Flowers and décor

The thought of being surrounded by a garden of flowers sounds heavenly. If you are faced with budget realities do consider domestically grown flowers or rent potted plants from your local nurseries. To create your wedding theme, you could incorporate ribbons, laces, beads, balloons, candles, streamers or even sea-shells. All you need is a little imagination and a touch of faith! We’re talking about do-it yourself decorations. Rope in your families and friends to help. Get your decorations done the day before the wedding so you don’t have any 11th hour stress.

Wedding songs & music

Music sets the mood of your wedding style and the coming celebration. There are several key pieces of the ceremony and reception that call for musical accompaniment. Research and find the perfect song for every moment of your wedding and make sure it’s appropriate. You certainly don’t want to kill the mood with a mismatch of music to the ceremony. Don’t ever allow a bad choice of music to spoil the ambiance that you’ve spent so much time to create.

Bridal wear/ Evening wear

A wedding gown can be rented or bought off the rack from bridal shops. If budget permits, nothing is more pleasurable than having the most important dress in your life especially custom-made by a fashion designer. Before you choose the silhouette of your gown, you need to know yourself first. No doubt the silhouette sets the mood of your gown but you have to look good in it. Don’t feel obliged to sign on a package on the spot with the bridal studio just because you’ve tried on their gowns. The rule of thumb is to shop around so you can compare other bridal packages and not regret later.

Make-up artist / Hair Stylist

Finding the right professional makeup artist can be time-consuming, and the services costly. It’s good to fix an appointment for consultation to test your hairdo and makeup before the wedding takes place. You do not want to wait until the morning of the event to decide how you want to look. A consultation will give you time to try out different looks before deciding on your favorite, as well as match your hairstyle to your veil. You can bring along printouts of hairstyles and makeup looks that appeal to you, so your stylist has some direction. If you’re not completely in love with the way you look, return for another consultation until you get it right.

Photographer / Videography

Decide how important your wedding pictures and video are to you, and budget accordingly. You would want to capture all the beautiful and special moments on that special day and make the memories last long after the Big Day. Photography packages can vary greatly depending on the photographer skills and experience so shop around to find a quality photographer who is within your budget. It’s important to interview the photographers and look at their portfolio to ascertain the style that you want.

Live band / Emcee / Entertainer

A live band adds a touch of class and can liven up the crowd and send an upbeat vibe. If you have specific songs that you want to hear on your wedding day, be sure to make your requests known beforehand. Sit down with your band and explain the style of your wedding, your ideal genre, and any specific songs that you want played.

Wedding favours / Thank you gifts

Giving your guests a memento, or favour, on your wedding day has been a long-standing custom. It’s a gesture to thank them for sharing the special occasion. There are a variety of favours in the market. However if you would like to make your own, you can get the materials from your local art and craft shops.