image credit:jgrantmac

1) Family Background

I’m sure when we’re in love, we tend to cheat ourselves and say that all that matters is our love for one another. Unfortunately in most cases (I’d say 99.9%), when two people marry, it’s actually the union of two families.

There could not be anything more devastating than to realize that either (or both) sets of parents strongly oppose to the marriage. Sure we’ve seen enough drama serials to tell us that it’s often the difference in social, monetary and religious status or the fact that the mother cannot bear to let her daughter get married to a lowly salaried individual.

Whilst we’re quite sure our parents always have our best interests at heart, however, our parents (and grandparents) did grow up in a different era where there weren’t any internet entrepreneurs and arranged marriages were the norm. Even back then, inter-racial marriages were frowned upon. Hence, their perception of our prospective partners may be slightly skewed and prejudiced in certain ways.

Consider the family backgrounds of yourself and your partner. When doing so, do seriously talk to each other about the degree of happiness or unhappiness of both sets of parents. Psychologists cannot stress enough the importance of the impact of parents’ relationship on their children. As we grow up in our families, we perceive marriage according to our parents lives. If it was a happy marriage, the child will be very receptive to marriage. However, if there’s been a messy separation or divorce in the family, more often than not, the scars of parental custody has a heavy toll on the child’s perception of what constitutes a marriage.

Next thing to talk about is to discuss how issues and problems in your family were resolved. Some say potato, some say potatoe. Every family has a different approach towards solving family issues and problems. Some go by the democratic process of discussion and voting, whilst others have the typical (father or mother)dictatorship process. You’d be surprised that maybe some families never address their issues and problems, which eventually leads to the deterioration of family bonds.

The next item on the list is to talk about how both of you would cope with the situation if any of your parents were in disagreement on the following issues :-

Social class, financial security, religious commitment and number of children in your family.

You’ve got to ask yourself how could these issues affect your marriage. Most importantly, should any of these issues rise, whose side is your partner (or you) going to side with? With his (your) parents or you (him)? It’s always better to clear all these doubts and potential marriage breakers before committing to a marriage.

Next, how are you, as a couple, going to approach the relationship with your parents and your parent’s once married? How much time do you feel you will want to spend with them? Granted that we’re a nation of migratory workers, you and your partner will face a potential headache when it comes to parental visitation and “balik kampung” decisions. Generally, it’s safe to say that parents are more clingy when it comes to their daughter moving out. So guys, you have to make that extra commitment to ensure that your wife’s parents do not start hating you because you do not allow her to visit them regularly enough. Traditionally for most races, it is generally accepted that once guys get married, they are expected to move out and start their own family. That’s unless you’ve got yourself a mama’s boy.

2) Finances

If the lack of financial security did not already sour your courtship, probably this is the next important factor to consider.

Have you decided how both of you will handle your finances and which one of you will do the book-keeping? Although not all of us are born accountants, but at least either one in the relationship has to call the shots when it comes to managing the family finances.

Marriage is a lifelong commitment and whilst young lovers may throw caution to the wind, insufficient finances will eventually cause strains to the marriage. Let’s face it, we may never be millionaires, but at least, we would like to have a comfortable family life in the future. Managing our finances is important towards sustaining a happy marriage. As my mother always say, it’s not how much your husband earns, it’s how much we wives save.

A comfortable life would probably entail the following financial commitments which includes a house, a car, insurances, investments/savings and some shopping money. Analyze both your financial situations and try drawing up a budgeting plan. Whilst drafting your budgeting plan, do make considerations on the purpose of setting aside money for that particular commitment – How much, how often and for what purpose.

The budget should also ideally include the existing debt which you or your partner may have. May it be from that excessive drinking from his college days, or that excessive shopping/food binging after your last break-up, debt settlement/reduction should be a foremost priority. If in doubt, always consult experts in the financial planning field.

Do also consider the following questions :

* Will you both set aside allowances each month for personal spending?
* Would you expect your partner to set aside an allowance for you each month as household allowance?
* Do you believe that one should ask permission of the other before making any purchase, only large purchase or no need to ask at all?
* Most importantly, what are your attitudes towards accepting financial aid from either of your parents?

3) Housing arrangements

Now we come to the all too familiar question when we’re preparing for our marriage – Where are we going to stay?

Logically, when your partner proposed to you, you had better pray hard that he has had the common sense to already think a few steps ahead and think of providing you a comfortable place to live with him. No one ever wants to stay in a 2 room apartment where there’s enough occupants there for 6 rooms.

The next question is where –His place? Your place? Or a new place?

It’s not uncommon to move into his parent’s house and neither is it uncommon to move out to a new place. However, it sure will hurt his ego if you were to “force” him to move into your parent’s place.

Thus, it will be wise to discuss on his plans on where both of you will be staying. Your final decision may be affected by the following factors :- budget constraints, parent’s insistence that you stay with them, parents who are immobile or with critical illness such as heart or stroke patients, privacy concerns and proximity to work, friends, family or public amenities.

As we dwell on the subject on budget constraints, enough cannot be said on budgeting. To rent or buy, that is the question. Work out both your personal finances and factor in possible salary increments, bonuses or better career opportunities. Whilst your parents may wish to see their daughter have a roof over their head, financial experts will say that it is foolish to spend most of your joint income towards paying your housing loan. As I’ve already mentioned in my earlier paragraph that parents do live in a different era than ours, renting a place to live is no longer looked down upon.

We’re just realistic people living in a realistic world. If our finances only allow us to rent a place, then so be it. Utilise the remaining money to invest wisely or set aside for a rainy day, instead of dumping all your money into brick and mortar. Last I tried, lickng the paint off my wall did not solve my hunger problems. Once both of your financial standings have improved, it is never too late to buy that dream house. Remember, a house does not maketh a marriage. Neither do we have to live up to people’s expectations that our marriage is any less successful than theirs if we do not have our own house.

Well, if it comes to the point that even renting a place presents a problem, staying with parents is the next logical solution. But whose?

I think parents generally welcome the addition of a family member to their household. It means that there is better family bonds and more time for mother in law and daughter in law interaction. In some cases as you’ve seen in drama serials, it means an extra maid in the house. (Just kidding) Then again, it’s never all that bad. I believe that if we can get along with our partner’s family members, it will strengthen the marriage. Do consider the following before moving in :- Family values, family traditions, expectations on you in terms of sharing of household chores, expenses and etc, privacy issues, compatibility of family member’s temperaments against yours. Have a good talk with your partner on the above issues before deciding to move in.

If your parents have mobility or health issues, you would have to talk to your partner as to whether he is willing to move into your parents place so that he can help out. It makes sense for a man to be in the house so that he can help with the more heavy chores such as lifting the patient or taking the patient for regular check ups.

We’ve just got married and I want our privacy! I believe privacy is the right of every couple. We don’t want our parents or siblings to stumble into our kissing session in the living room nor do we want his grandfather having a heart attack when he saw you in your sexy lingerie, do we? Discuss on privacy issues wherever you’ve decided to move in, especially so if you’re staying with family or relatives.

Last but not least, consider whether your new housing is going to be easily accessible to your work places, family and friends. Choosing a house is a long term commitment. You don’t want to move into a place where it is inaccessible. Furthermore, if you are planning for a child in the near future, it makes sense to move to a place near your parents. Other items for consideration may include the location of your friends and public amenities.

4) Employment

Now that’s you’re going to get married, do you continue working or does he expect you to stay at home? Granted that most men are expected to be the breadwinners in the family, in our present economy, a dual income family is the norm.

There may be a problem when you’re very happy with present job and it pays very well. Moreover, your present job may have potential for advancement. Will all these affect him? How does he feel if his wife is earning more than him?

If he wants you to stay at home, what are you going to do? Will there be enough income? Will you be able to spend your time fruitfully and meaningfully? Is there a contingency plan should he be retrenched or lose his job somewhat?

If you’ve decided on your employment status, you would also have to ask yourself the following questions :

* Are you comfortable with his job?
* Does his job entail long working hours and lots of traveling?
* Does his job entail a lot of night entertainment or weekend golfing?
* Are you involved in his working environment in terms of his job scope, his superiors or his staff?

Your partner will appreciate you a lot more if you could devote more time into understanding his job scope. Nevertheless, we want to look out for potential marriage breakers such as the husband not spending enough time with the wife after marriage, or having an extra marital affair due to the nature of his work.

5) Physical Health

People differ greatly with regards to attitudes about health. It is always good to talk about family health histories and learn more about each other’s background in view of the impending marriage. In this age of pre-marital sex, it is not possible to judge a book by its cover. Nowadays, a pre-marriage health check-up is a pre-requisite for all couples.

Pre-marriage check-ups aim to help couples gain a better understanding of their health. If diseases are detected in their early or asymptomatic stage, especially diseases that are infectious or have serious effect on the next generation, treatment can be started at an early stage and therefore providing an important safeguard for the health of the couples and their future offspring.

The check-up normally comprise basic health assessment tests, blood tests and body check-ups. You may want to stress the inclusion of additional laboratory tests of greater concern such as Hepatitis B & C, Rubella, Rhesus Factor, Thalassemia and Sexually Transmissible Diseases. For a better understanding of the above medical conditions, please consult your family doctor for advice.

6) Mental Health

Now that you’ve gone for your check-ups, it’s time to assess you and your partner’s mental health. As we move through different stages in our lives, we enjoy and cherish happy times as well as face obstacles in life. In fact, many of the things that bring us great joy and fulfillment, such as close relationships, a promotion, a dream holiday, or buying a home, also can cause stress on our mental health.

At some point we also have to cope with traumatic life events such as dealing with a loved one’s serious illness or death, a loss of a job, domestic violence or sexual assault. Changes in our physical health also affect our mental health. Changes in the body’s hormone levels from pregnancy and childbirth, or from menopause, can cause depression, anxiety, irritability, and tearfulness.

We all feel worried, anxious or sad from time to time, men and women alike. But, a true mental health disorder makes it hard for a person to function normally. Women suffer twice as often as men by most forms of depression and anxiety disorders, and nine times as often by eating disorders. While there are different mental health disorders, they all are real illnesses that can’t be willed or wished away.

You aren’t at fault if you have one, and you should not suffer in silence. The same goes if this is happening to your partner. Be patient with yourself or your partner and reach out to others for help. Be supportive for one another. These illnesses can be medically treated successfully so that you can get back to enjoying life — not only for yourself, but for your family too.

The main mental disorders include self-esteem issues, depression, self-hurt, stress, bi-polar disorder, suicidal thoughts, body image and eating disorders, phobias, mood disorders (rage issues) and panic disorders. This list is not exhaustive.

Experts have concluded studies showing that one in five people will experience a mood disorder in their lifetime but less than one half will seek treatment. If you’ve both discovered that either one of you has a mental disorder, it will be wise to address the issue now, rather than to leave it till it’s too late.

7) Sexual Health And Intimacy Issues

“Sex itself isn’t as big a part of being married as I thought it would be,” said a friend of mine after her marriage. “I mean, how much time out of a busy life can you actually spend in bed?” My friend and I went on to talk about how sharing and intimacy in a marriage involve so much more than a particular sex act. In a satisfying marriage, each partner has a feeling of emotional closeness that the other nurtures by being trustworthy and thoughtful. Lovemaking is that exciting extra dimension that enriches and enlivens married life. It is the most intimate way we have of expressing our love; it is the way God has given us to create new life.

Being comfortable with your sexuality is important in developing a healthy, happy sex life. Attitudes toward sex are learned and any feelings that keep you from full participation in lovemaking can be unlearned and replaced by new attitudes. If sexual compatibility or some other problem with sex causes ongoing strife in your marriage, it is wise to go to a qualified therapist.

The World Health Organization (WHO) defines sexual health as “the state of physical, emotional, mental and social well-being related to sexuality; it is not merely the absence of disease, dysfunction and infirmity. Sexual health requires a positive, respectful approach to sexuality and sexual relationships, as well as the possibility of having pleasurable and safe sexual experiences, free of coercion, discrimination and violence. For sexual health to be attained and maintained, the sexual rights of all persons must be respected, protected and fulfilled.”

Sexual health goes beyond the stereotype “bedtime stories”. It also encompasses a wide range of issues such as attitudes towards promiscuity, sexual hygiene and sexual problems to both male and female.

During your courtship days, he has told you that he is saving it for his first night as a couple, but is he really telling the truth? Though there is no sure fire method of knowing the truth, but one of the easier tests of determining the level of his fickle heart would be to ask your friends.

Most guys unfortunately have the innate ability to target the next prettier thing to walk in a short skirt. Blame it on the theory of evolution and “survival of the fittest” mantra. Have a girly chat with your friends and find out about their opinion of your guy. Generally, best friends can tell the difference between a regular joe and the playboy extraordinaire - and you’re can be pretty sure they won’t lie to you. In any case, they somehow always have a good sixth sense about their best friend’s boyfriend because they’re your safety net from the outside looking in.

Physical intimacy is not all about sex. It’s actually the simple act of touching someone at the right places at the right time, be it just caressing your hair or hugging you in his strong arms. However, since we all grew up in different family environments, touch can indeed be a “touchy” subject.

Since both of you are going to be in a long term relationship with a individual history of touch, sharing that history will give you a better understanding of each other’s need and desire for touch.

To get an idea, try the following phrases and discuss on his answers:-

- As I was growing up, my experience of gentle, loving touch from my mother was satisfying/not satisfying

- As I was growing up, my experience of gentle loving touch from my father was satisfying/not satisfying

- As I was growing up, my experience of gentle, loving touch from a significant other woman was satisfying/not satisfying

- My desire to touch people I care for is nonexistent/high

- When people touch me as a gesture of affection, I am uncomfortable/comfortable

Now, use the following questions to gain insights that will help you both find the fulfillment you both seek:-

- Can we express our feelings to one another?

- Do we resolve our differences before they become major problems?

- Can I ask my partner for what I desire?

- Am I willing to listen to my partner’s desires?

Intimacy issues may stem from a wide range of causes including :-

- We have a these fears because we were wounded in early childhood - we experienced feeling emotionally abandoned, rejected, and betrayed by our parents because they were wounded. They did not have healthy relationship with self - they were codependents who abandoned and betrayed themselves - and their behavior caused us to feel unworthy and unlovable.

A happy marriage will not work if a couple never address their intimacy issues at their early stages!

Communication / Solving conflicts

They say the basic foundation of a happy marriage is love and communication. However, they fail to mention that when it comes to communication, it’s just not those mushy stuff that matters, it’s the conflicts that often break up marriages.

Men by nature use their brains and women use their emotions to solve conflicts. Hence, they can never see eye to eye. Two people sharing their lives in a relationship as intimate as marriage will naturally experience some conflict. Situations arise that cause anger, resentment and jealousy. You may be tempted to suppress what you feel in order to maintain harmony but doing so only puts up a wall between you. If the pattern of ignoring problems and denying feelings continue, the wall grows higher.

Instead of building walls, face problems and settle conflicts as they arise. Think about the last time you both quarreled – How did you settle it amicably?

Constructive conflict can instead be an emotional housecleaning that leads to greater trust and understanding. Discuss the following points with your partner and find out:-

- What have we disagreed about while dating?

- What do we see as potential areas of conflict after we are married?

- What steps can we take now to keep these issues from causing difficulties in our marriage?

- Do we resort to emotional blackmail or physical violence when we cannot resolve issues?

- Do certain things or phrases your partner say prejudice you so that you can’t objectively listen?

- When you are confused or annoyed by what your partner says, do you try to get it straightened out immediately or “let it go”?

- Do you listen with your heart or with your head?

-Do you find it easy to forgive one another after a serious conflict?

Though the above is not comprehensive, it will lead you towards the right direction towards exploring your perceptions towards conflict solving and understanding your partner’s needs better when conflict arises.

9) What is the “real” reason for getting married

People get married for all the right reasons and also the wrong reasons. Lest you step into a marriage destined for the rocks, examine his priorities towards getting married.

There are just so many excuses to get married, but we will highlight the main ones which should set the alarm going if you hear one of it as his reason for getting married.

1) husband-to-be cannot get along with parents or no space in their present homes or whose own parents are divorced so they want to leave their own home of origin because of the unhappiness

2) financial instability (as a result of a certain direction in career) Getting married would mean “consolidating” both your finances

3) procreation - be it a shotgun marriage or the need to satisfy his parents need to produce a grandson

4) peer pressure – so he’s the last in his family to get married and he’s the butt of all jokes during Chinese New Year gatherings

5) physical/sexual abuse, threats, emotional blackmail, family blackmail

6) Doing it to escape loneliness

7) “Compatible” character – But you two seem to be quarreling most of the time and seem to enjoy a love hate relationship

Always entertaining thoughts like “maybe things will get better after marriage” (sometimes they get worse)

9) Too possessive to the point of asking you to drop all your friends and live a solitude life with him

10) Unable to spend a day alone without you – He’s either psycho or you’ve got yourself a koala bear for the rest of your life

As the old folks always say “Whatever the reason, if it doesn’t seem or feel right, it probably isn’t.“

Conclusion

With the rise of divorces worldwide, we cannot stress enough on the importance of considering the compatibilities of you and your partner before entering the sanctity of marriage. Life as a dating couple may have been good, but living together under the same roof for the next 20 years is as they say “ a jail sentence” You had better make sure your prison mate is the perfect one for you!

The sound of silence is a big no-no at any wedding banquet. Songs that inspired that lovely feeling and got him kneeling on one knee to ask for your hand in marriage should always be shared and celebrated. The wedding dinner is only 3 hours long but you’ve got a CD collection as big as Tower Records, so how do we even start selecting our all time favorite songs? Fret not, see which personalities you are below to better narrow down your song selections for your wedding dinner.

1) Fly me to the moon (In other words, jazz songs get you in the mood)

You’ve probably seen too many jewelry commercials or simply love the breezy, samba feel to it, jazz songs have long been associated with romantic and intimate moods. In the last few years, jazz songs have been a favorite at most wedding banquets as the sultry singers seem to exude sexiness in the backdrop of saxophones and rhythmic beats. From the saxophone icon of Kenny G to the bossa nova magic of Stan Getz, you will not go wrong with the following picks:-

Diana Krall – S’Wonderful, The Look Of Love

Bebel Gilberto – So Nice

Laura Fygi – Dream A Little Dream, Fly Me To The Moon

Rod Stewart – Time After Time, It Had To Be You

Lisa Ono – I Wish You Love, Look For A Star

2) Silly love songs make you cry

They say no one makes love songs like they used to. Ask your parents if you do not believe me. Gone are the days of flower power and heart melting lyrics, it’s no wonder these songs are a testament that simple piano chords and meaningful words will forever be timeless classics. Go through the following selections and feel the tuggings at your heart as you ponder over the lyrics:-

Bee Gees – How Deep is Your Love, Emotions

Stevie Wonder – You Are The Sunshine Of My Life, Ebony & Ivory

The Carpenters – We’ve Only Just Begun, Close To You

Engelbert Humperdinck – Quando Quando Quando, Forever And Ever

Frank Sinatra – Something Stupid, L.O.V.E

3) Light your lighter and sing your love ballads

You know you’ve got that rock chick in you, if you grew up listening to the likes of Bon Jovi, Chicago and Bryan Adams. You could identify with their common themes of love and heartaches. The power divas such as Whiney Houston, Mariah Carey and Celine Dion too have sang their hearts out, proclaiming that there is still love in this world. Share the ups and downs of your love life with the following song selections:-

Bon Jovi – Bed of Roses, I’ll Be There For You

Bryan Adams – I Finally Found Someone, All For Love

Air Supply – Lost In Love, Power Of Love

Celine Dion – My Heart Will Go On, Because You Loved Me

Whitney Houston – I Will Always Love You, Saving All My Love For You

4) Boybands are your thing

The picture cut outs from the teen magazines are still pasted on your bedroom wall and you remembered you cried your eyes out when you heard that they were splitting up. Boybands have been a major influence on our adolescent lives and most girls would even go the extent of claiming ownership of their respective band member. As we slowly grew into young adults, the teeny bopper songs seem to highlight the thrills and spills of courtship and puppy love. Reminiscence those high school days of secret admirers and love letters as you play the following selection of songs:-

Westlife – Flying Without Wings, Swear It Again

Boyzone – I Love The Way You Love Me, Everyday I Love You

Take That – A Million Love Songs, Back For Good

98 Degrees – I Do (Cherish You), Because Of You

Backstreet Boys – I’ll Never Break Your Heart, I Want It That Way

5) Reel life and real life

Who can ever forgot those unforgettable moments on the silver screen when the lead actor finally gets the lead actress? From tear jerking love stories to romantic comedies, we have all crossed our fingers and hoped for an ending that is happily ever after. You even suspected your boyfriend tried to use the movie clichés on you at one time or the other. Turn back the clock and relive those cinematic moments when you play the following songs from popular movies:-

When Harry Met Sally – Frank Sinatra (It Had To Be You)

The Wedding Singer – Adam Sandler (Grow Old With You), Spandau Ballet (True)

50 First Dates – Beach Boys (Wouldn’t It Be Nice), Sting (Every Breath You Take)

Notting Hill – Ronan Keating (When You Say Nothing At All), Elvis Costello (She)

Jerry Maguire - Bruce Springsteen (Secret Garden)

6) Memorable songs from other sources

Everyone of us have watched a romantic Korean or Japanese drama at some point of time. We all loved to gossip and speculate what was going to happen to our lead actress in the next episode. It’s these TV stories that shaped our perception of love life and what better than to share the songs with our guests as we celebrate the first night as husband and wife. For newly weds of other races, you too have your share of favorite singers of your respective languages. If you have predominantly guests of a same race, you would not go wrong by spinning the latest or most popular love songs in the past decade.

Summary

Banquet songs are meant to bring in the mood to an otherwise somber affair. You may want to have special songs for the wedding program items such as first dance, march in or even food presentation. A word of caution here: We all have our favorite break up songs and these songs, no matter how we love singing them in our shower, is a definite spoiler! Someone actually played “Wen Bie/Goodbye” by Jacky Cheung at a dinner, imagine the horror on the guest’s faces!

FROM the minute you’re engaged to the moment you say “I do”, any bride or bridegroom-to-be will face the daunting task of planning for that big day.

Needless to say, you’ll want the wedding to be perfect and, most importantly, the brides will want to look beautiful on this special day.

Top 10 things to plan after he ‘pops’ the question:

1. Venue

There are many places to hold ones special day in Malaysia. You will be spoilt for choices from the many locations and packages such as beach weddings, highland weddings, garden weddings or even traditional/ ceremonial weddings. Even for venues save from the clutches of the weather you could choose from hosting it on a yacht, in a penthouse/ suite in a luxurious hotels/ resorts or even in a ferries wheel in Titiwangsa. A wedding can be either formal or informal. The more formal the ceremony, the more intricate the planning usually is. Decide early in the process and plan accordingly. Make the reservation early to avoid disappointment. (Important tips: Malaysia is a tropical country. Do take into consideration the time of the year the wedding will be held, especially if it’s an outdoor wedding.) The weather conditions could pose a possible threat to your Big Day. You wouldn’t want your guest to be running for shelter as you are halfway through exchanging your vows! Or to be half-cooked under the scorching sun!

2. What caterer to pick?

(if the venue does not provide catering services)
Malaysia is multi-racial country, so let your taste buds run wild with the extensive selection of local cuisine. From delicious starters to desserts, you can savour from a variety of Chinese, Malay, Indian, Peranakan, Western, Fusion and the lists goes on. Whether you opt for a cocktail reception, a buffet or a sit down 8 to 10 course banquet dinner, it all depends on your budget and the number of guests you are inviting.

3. Wedding invitations

Planning the guest lists can be very challenging and stressful if you do not have a head start. With our Asian culture, the guest lists run into thousands because the parents and parents-in-law want to invite the whole town to the wedding. Once you’ve finalised on the venue, take into consideration the capacity of the place and the number of guests it can accommodate. It can be a very sensitive topic to decide who’s invited and who’s not. If you have too big a crowd, you might want to consider two sittings, one for a cocktail or buffet luncheon after the wedding ceremony and probably the other for the dinner reception. Remember to send out the invitations early and include a map to prevent guests from getting lost.

4. Flowers and décor

The thought of being surrounded by a garden of flowers sounds heavenly. If you are faced with budget realities do consider domestically grown flowers or rent potted plants from your local nurseries. To create your wedding theme, you could incorporate ribbons, laces, beads, balloons, candles, streamers or even sea-shells. All you need is a little imagination and a touch of faith! We’re talking about do-it yourself decorations. Rope in your families and friends to help. Get your decorations done the day before the wedding so you don’t have any 11th hour stress.

5. Wedding songs & music

Music sets the mood of your wedding style and the coming celebration. There are several key pieces of the ceremony and reception that call for musical accompaniment. Research and find the perfect song for every moment of your wedding and make sure it’s appropriate. You certainly don’t want to kill the mood with a mismatch of music to the ceremony. Don’t ever allow a bad choice of music to spoil the ambiance that you’ve spent so much time to create.

6. Bridal wear/ Evening wear

A wedding gown can be rented or bought off the rack from bridal shops. If budget permits, nothing is more pleasurable than having the most important dress in your life especially custom-made by a fashion designer. Before you choose the silhouette of your gown, you need to know yourself first. No doubt the silhouette sets the mood of your gown but you have to look good in it. Don’t feel obliged to sign on a package on the spot with the bridal studio just because you’ve tried on their gowns. The rule of thumb is to shop around so you can compare other bridal packages and not regret later.

7. Make-up artist/ Hair Stylist

Finding the right professional makeup artist can be time-consuming, and the services costly. It’s good to fix an appointment for consultation to test your hairdo and makeup before the wedding takes place. You do not want to wait until the morning of the event to decide how you want to look. A consultation will give you time to try out different looks before deciding on your favorite, as well as match your hairstyle to your veil. You can bring along printouts of hairstyles and makeup looks that appeal to you, so your stylist has some direction. If you’re not completely in love with the way you look, return for another consultation until you get it right.

8. Photographer/ Videography

Decide how important your wedding pictures and video are to you, and budget accordingly. You would want to capture all the beautiful and special moments on that special day and make the memories last long after the Big Day. Photography packages can vary greatly depending on the photographer skills and experience so shop around to find a quality photographer who is within your budget. It’s important to interview the photographers and look at their portfolio to ascertain the style that you want.

9. Live band/ Emcee/ Entertainer

A live band adds a touch of class and can liven up the crowd and send an upbeat vibe. If you have specific songs that you want to hear on your wedding day, be sure to make your requests known beforehand. Sit down with your band and explain the style of your wedding, your ideal genre, and any specific songs that you want played.

10. Wedding favours/ Thank you gifts

Giving your guests a memento, or favour, on your wedding day has been a long-standing custom. It’s a gesture to thank them for sharing the special occasion. There are a variety of favours in the market. However if you would like to make your own, you can get the materials from your local art and craft shops.

This is part 2 of the wedding countdown, you can read part 1 here.

The Guest List

Your first consideration, no matter how huge a family or circle of friends you have is, how much you have to spend. Think practical at this stage, like the number of people in your church, home or registrar’s office will hold. If your numbers are limited, divide your guests into those you want at the ceremony and those you could invite to the reception.

The Photography / Video Recording

You can’t do without both, but you can do without the video recording if you need to cut down your expenses. The best way to find a photographer is through personal recommendations, so check around My Malaysia Wedding for reviews from others.

• Decide on a style that you can discuss with your photographer.
• Do you want formal pictures / candid shots or both?
• Do you want black and white / coloured or both?
• Do you want to do studio shots before or after the wedding.
• Specify to your photographer the people you want pictures taken of, if any.

The Stationery

Here is your complete checklist of what you’ll need so you can shop for them or order them at one go:

• Wedding invites
• RSVP cards
• Envelopes
• Service sheet for a Christian ceremony
• Menu cards for the reception
• Place cards for formal reception
• Thank you cards for those who have helped out
• Thank you cards for guests for their presents

The Flowers

Check what flowers are in season. Out of season bloom can cost you a bomb. If you are in a money bind, then consider using more foliage and fewer flowers, or get a creative friend to make a bouquet up for you! Consider these:

• Colour of the theme for the wedding
• Size of hand bouquet for the bride
• Be sure that the flowers don’t stain the clothing
• To keep the flowers fresh, have them send to you as late as possible

The Cake

The wedding cake is not necessarily the grand centerpiece of the wedding feast, so don’t worry if you’re throwing out this option completely. You can have an eight tier cake with only one tier made of real cake for the cake-cutting ceremony. It’ll look just as lovely as the real thing and will only cost you a quarter of the price.

The Wheels

The mode of transportation constitutes arrival in style. Stepping out of a gleaming Rolls Royce or Mercedes isn’t as far a cry as you think if you start looking early for someone you can borrow the car for one day.

The Wedding Ceremony

Okay, let’s clear this up once and for all. Wedding ceremony does not equate wedding reception. Wedding ceremonies can be literally translated as the formal procedure (and the most important legally) where you exchange your vows. Religious ceremonies top our list with most wanting to walk down the aisle too. If you’re thinking of something more exotic like marrying on the beach, in a zoo, or on a cruise, it’s definitely do-able. Let your budget frame your desires, but the choice should ultimately be yours.

The Religious Ceremony

Let the people at your local place of worship sort matters out for you. You do need to speak to them months before, especially if it’s a popular temple or church that takes bookings years ahead. Don’t forget that you should also choose the minister / religious leader who conduct the exchange of vows.

The Civil Ceremony

It is possible to keep it simple and marry formally in a civil setting, be it the wedding registry or some place like a hotel or hall, but do be sure that your registrar is licensed and recognized. Alternatively contact the Registrar of Marriages Malaysia for more information at +603 7955 7255.

The Wedding Reception

If you’re having your ceremony at a religious place, then you can most probably throw your guests a luncheon right after in the same place – problem solved. If you’re not, I seriously recommend that once you’ve chosen a reception spot, that you book immediately as some hotels and halls take bookings as early as two years before. Don’t be surprise to find the five-star hotel of your choice is already fully booked for the dinner reception you were planning for even nine months down the road. And don’t fall for the first venue and sweet talking hotelier you come across. Consider the more important aspects like whether the venue can accommodate your guests, the cost of food per head etc.

Popular options are hotels, clubs and halls, but you do need to book way in advance. These places usually do packages with different price ranges to suit your budget. Consider if they provide you with options on dressing the main table or stage performances, menu, the time the reception can begin, serving staff, smoking / non-smoking areas, parking facilities, and a place to keep the wedding presents. If you’re looking to save money, then opt for a place where you can bring your own caterers. If it can accommodate your guests, your home would be ideal.

I will talk about the guest list, the photography, the stationery, the flowers and other issues in part 2 of the wedding countdown.

After the romantic wedding proposal and being in cloud nine for weeks, my hubby-to-be and I decided to start with our wedding plans. We gave ourselves a year to prepare. Location was the utmost decision and we narrowed down to a few venues. In Johor Bahru, bookings are made at least one year in advance as most excited couples do not want their once in a lifetime event to be held in a unimpressive venue. Every bride wants her wedding to be the talk of the town and for the months to come.

Especially so if you want a memorable or auspicious date, please ensure you book early or you’ll be disappointed you’ll have to settle for second or worst of all, a venue that is not even your choice. With our Asian heritage, the guest list can range from hundreds to thousands of guests.

The theme is also a main criteria before deciding the venue for the wedding. Some couples may just want to hold the wedding dinner whilst others may decide to incorporate both the wedding ceremony and wedding dinner at the same venue.

Well, we’ve always wanted a romantic garden wedding and we set our hearts out to look for the best location in Johor Bahru. We had a few places in mind and after taking into consideration the logistics and accommodation for the guests, we had our hearts set on Pulai Springs Resort. The golf resort is located within a natural setting of flora and fauna and it simply captivated our heart. The straight road leading into the resort is flanked by overgrown, majestic looking raintrees and as you drive into the resort, you get the feeling of nature’s goodness and a relaxing destination that is to come. It’s simply like a picture out of a postcard.

When we had our wedding there a year ago, they had just erected a marquee hall. The marquee hall is a tent like structure with a glass façade. The interior is carpeted and has a billowing ceiling top. We were happy that the marquee hall was big enough to hold all of our 700 guests.

Outside the marquee hall, there is a timber flooring extension that overlooks the golf course. By utilising the extended space, we were able to sit 100 guests thereat as we conducted our wedding ceremony. With the overhanging tree branches shielding the seated guests from the sun, it was a perfect garden setting for a wedding solemnisation ceremony. As we exchanged our wedding vows and rings, the guests could not help but to marvel at the loving couple as they kissed in front of the backdrop of a lush golf course resplendent with rolling greens and undulating hills.

After the confetti had settled on the floor, everyone adjourned to the nearby hall for cocktails. After which, the sun had begun to set and the guests made their way to the marquee hall for a night of celebration.

Having a good venue coordinator is the utmost importance. This person can either make or break your wedding. We were fortunate that Pulai Springs Resort had a capable officer who attended to all our whims and fancies.

Drawing a list of to-dos was the first priority. The list is endless but the main items include the decorations, table settings, air-conditioner temperature, food testing, lighting, sound system and etc.

Always negotiate for freebies with the venue coordinator. Anything you can save certainly helps your budget. We were fortunate to negotiate for free floral decorations and luxurious table/chair settings in this instance. We were lucky that the colours of the decorations were in line with our theme too.

In keeping up with the romantic theme, we ensured that the lighting and air temperature were conducive enough to set the mood.

As we had also hired a band for the wedding dinner, we had to ensure that the sound system was good enough and there was enough space for the musicians to do their work.
Since the dinner ended with dancing, we also made sure that there was enough space near the band for the guests to boogie the night away.

As the wedding date approaches, there will always be additional things that may be added/required at the wedding. It’s always good to talk things over with the venue coordinator and reach a compromise if necessary. This is especially so if the venue lacks certain equipment or facility to cater to your needs.

All in all, I dare say my wedding venue was the best I’ve seen in Johor Bahru. It was the perfect venue of my dreams and I’m sure all the guests certainly agreed.